The Presidential Election of 2012 proved to be quite the watershed year for several social causes. Maryland was the first state to legalize same sex marriage, and while many were shocked that usually liberal Oregon shot down legalizing marijuana, other states passing it were just as shocking. This election proved to be a significant win for stoners, with measures to legalize marijuana passing in Washington and Colorado. Many red-eyed citizens rejoiced, but Colorado governor, John Hickenlooper is furious.
“The wrong drug got legalized!” stated the governor during a post-election press conference.
“Weed is for filthy hippies. It leads to nothing but overeating and laziness. Cocaine is the working-man’s drug. It keeps you skinny and energized. It’s a win-win.”
The Colorado governor elaborated on the positive effects of legalizing cocaine. “We’d become a more sociable society. Citizens would delve into lengthy, detailed conversations with complete strangers all the time!”
In conclusion Hickenlooper stated, “Obesity is epidemic in America. The legalization of marijuana is only going to make that problem worse. Legal cocaine would result in thinner, more energetic citizens. Look at me. I start everyday with a couple bumps, and I’m fit as a fidd!”
At that point the Governor lost consciousness and collapsed to the floor.
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